ENDURE – Chapter V: All the Great Dogs - by Zinny

TREMBLING PAWS

Trembling Paws smelled of warm, cut grass, wood smoke, and a sweetness that gathers on a dog who dozes unconcerned for hours in puddles of living room sunshine. 

Most important of all, she smelled of happiness.

Not the brittle happiness of a needy dog eternally begging to be loved. Nor the chimera of happiness what vanishes on the first raised Biped voice. Hers was the deep, settled happiness of a creature who slept with her belly exposed to the darkness, certain that every hand and paw in her pack would be kind and protective.

Her Biped, "Contented Smile" unclipped her leash, and for a moment Trembling Paws and I stared at one another. I felt I was in an intractable and wonderful dream. 

I don't remember who broke the trance first. I only remember we collided in pure jubilation. We circled and spun, sniffing, nudging, whining, and laughing. I could not decide whether to bury my nose in her fur or cover her face with licks. Every part of me wanted every part of her at once.

I pressed my nose against her neck and inhaled.

The scent opened inside me like a gate.

There were small Bipeds. An older female dog. Fresh water spread wide and still beneath the sky. Long summers. Safe mornings. A freedom I would never see.

She had an entire life.

A whole world had unfolded around her since the day she vanished from our whelping box.

And somehow, impossibly, beneath all that time and all those miles, she still carried the faint trace of our mother's milk, spring grass, and puppy breath that belonged to us both.

She remembered. I remembered.

Questions burst from me like a deer startled from the brush. Had she seen the Runt? Had she seen the Alpha? Our mother? Where did she live now? Was she happy? Did she remember our mother? What about that endless green lawn?

Trembling Paws tilted her head and regarded me with patient amusement while I tumbled over my own words.

Only then did I notice her paws were no longer trembling. Perhaps they had not trembled for a long time. Perhaps she didn't remember her Old Name and I was the only one carrying it with me. 

Before I could ask, she stepped forward, planted a solemn lick across my face, and dropped into a play bow.

For an instant she became our mother on that spring morning on the Endless Lawn, inviting the world to chase her.

I bowed back.

Then we were running again.

My questions would have to wait.

 

YOU DON'T SMELL LIKE A FLOWER

Trembling Paws' craziness never went far from her Biped, yet she was almost impossible to catch. She was so athletic, and I so weak from my life in the Sky Prison. Somehow, I managed to knock her down and stand triumphantly over her. She easily tossed me off her and we laughed and laughed, the happiness boiling over like a teakettle left on the stove too long. 

I heard Doug and Joan running over, horrified and apologizing in loud falsettos. I got to my feet. I saw Doug mechanically striding over the sand, his hands in his shorts, his face tense and narrow. I knew I was in big trouble. There were only precious moments left with Trembling Paws.

"I MISS YOU," I said clearly. 

"IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO!" she yelled back.

Joan tried securing me with a leash, but I dodged it easily and went back to Trembling Paws. Joan said, "ZINNIA!! BAD DOG!" She swore under her breath and apologized to "Contended Smile."  

"Contented Smile" laughed and said it was the most fun Jet had in a long time. He said it wasn't a big deal. We were just pups having fun. 

So that was her name now! Jet!

I knew Joan and Doug didn't care what Jet's Biped said. They wanted me firmly back in their control. Nothing else mattered to them. 

Control. 

I had mere seconds left. I dodged Doug's hand with the leash clasp and yelled the only thing I could think of, "JET! YOUR PAWS DON'T TREMBLE ANYMORE!" 

She laughed and said, "AND YOU DON'T SMELL LIKE A FLOWER!" 

We laughed hysterically as I was caught and put on a leash. And up to Joan's enormous teats I went. 

I couldn't look back at Jet. I just couldn't.

I spent the rest of the day tied to the umbrella. I stared at The Great Ocean Dog, wondering if he was cruel or merciful for bringing my sister here.

Over the next week, Doug and Joan punished me by ignoring me as much as they could.

And I returned the favor. 

GETTING PREGGERS

Many months later. 

A scent made me restless. It seemed to come from everywhere, but especially when the wind blew from the North. When Joan brought me out for my walk, dogs howled and lunged for me. A loose one at the dog park ran up to me and tried to knock me down as though he was angry. I only understood later that they were all male dogs. I started bleeding near my bum, so Joan fit me with a Biped child's diaper.

I was put in the back seat of the truck and we drove for hours. The scenery changed from lots of cars and buildings to hilly, wide open spaces. The smells went from exhaust and Bipeds to forests and clean breezes despite the many cigarettes from the front seat. Many times I smelled big standing water, and I briefly thought we were going to see Jet. I quickly shoved that foolish thought aside, lest it drive me mad.  

When the truck farted and stopped, I heard lots of dogs barking. It was a frenzy. I felt ancient workings within me. 

Joan and Doug got out and greeted an odd Biped wearing what I later understood was a cowboy hat. Doug was fawning over him. I have never seen Doug so untrue to his nature. 

Doug took his wallet out and handed The Cowboy Hat Biped money. The Cowboy Hat Biped put the money in his pocket and nodded to one of his employees. 

I was brought out, my diaper removed, and led into an empty pen. Then I was released from my leash. I saw all three Bipeds looking at me from outside the fence. What was going on here? Was I to be sacrificed?

I don't think I can describe my feelings then. It was as though I was a puppet on a string with no puppet master. 

Then there was an ache in the very marrow of my bones. Something I had never felt before washed over me. It was a yearning, a craving. It was something that must be fulfilled.

I smelled male dogs everywhere. 

The stud was a huge Black Lab with a big flat head and a giant otter tail. He came over to me and I growled. He retreated until I lined up with him. He came over again and mounted me. I saw Doug and the Biped in the Cowboy Hat laughing and pointing. Joan looked away and nervously smoked her cigarette.  

The stud dismounted, sniffed me, and wandered back to the entrance. He never said anything to me. I never knew his name.

We all got back in the truck and headed back. 

It got dark. Doug and Joan stopped at a restaurant and left me in the truck. When they came back, she passed me a couple French fries fresher than the ones under the seat and rubbed my head. 

 

SOME THINGS INSIDE ME

The weeks came and went. My teats swelled. Joan fed me enormous amounts of food. She tried to get me out on walks, but I was too fat and exhausted. I only wanted to go pee-pees and poopies on the small lawn and go back upstairs to my crate. And I would absolutely not let Doug anywhere near me. He tried to give me pats on the head, but I was a growling, snapping beast. He was afraid of me then, and I treasured those small victories for as long as I could. 

When I felt the first pup kick, I thought I had mistakenly swallowed a squirrel, or some kind of patient bird had nested in my stomach when I was asleep. 

Doug moved a large box full of blankets into The Sky Prison living room. Joan encouraged me to sleep in it, but I snapped at her for locking me outside my crate. 

When they finally left me alone in my crate, I became obsessed with the box of blankets. It was in full view of my crate, and they left my crate open now. I felt compelled to put some toys and one of my crate blankets in there. I even stole one of Joan's socks and put it in there. 

Then I became a mother.

 

LITTERING

I gave birth to eight healthy pups. Three Yellow, four Black, and a Chocolate. There were three males- two black and one yellow. 

After the exhaustion of pupbirth, I became afraid. My mother had ten teats, I only had eight. I was alone. What did I know about raising a litter of pups? Nothing. What had my own litter been? Sorrow and bile. I whimpered and panted. I cried. There was no escape for me or my pups from The Sky Prison. A loud voice deep within me boomed, "MERCIFULLY END IT. THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THEM."

In my darkest hour, my mother's sorrow rose within me like an unstoppable tide. For that  terrible moment, I believed it was offering mercy—that if I consumed my first litter, I could spare them the long procession of grief that had passed from her to me.

Then I remembered The Runt's hilarious dance in defiance of The Alpha. I remembered Jet. I remembered my mother racing across that spring lawn with all of us tumbling after her, drunk on her milk and sunshine.

From that moment, whenever one of my pups cried, I only heard my mother's unspoken words - soft, stalwart, and defiant. "Endure, my lovely Zinnia. Your power is their power. You must endure so they can endure. Without you, your pups are helpless."

I rolled on my side, exposing my eight teats to eight hungry puppies and meditated on my mother's words.

I resolved there would be no "Teatless Three" here. Every pup would have a teat. None would go hungry on my watch.

And all my pups would have hope. 

Like Jet.

 

ALL THE GREAT DOGS

I raised a fine first litter, if I am forgiven the vanity of saying so. The Alpha was not overly consumed by his own importance, and The Runt was spared the worst cruelties that often befall the weakest among us. My pups quarreled, as all pups do, but their disagreements passed like sun showers. There was Harmony among them. Of all the litters I bore, they remain the dearest to me.

One afternoon, when they were about four weeks old and began to believe they understood the world, the bright yellow pup called Itchy Tail lifted his nose and asked,

"Mumma, why do we live up here in the sky? Dogs belong on the ground. We should be sniffing things, chasing those awful squirrels, and swimming on the ground. And we have to go down and up those stairs every time we need to pee."

I considered his question gravely, despite his confusion with swimming.

Then I asked, "Who wants to hear a story about The Flying Dogs of ancient times?"

The pups gasped together. They twisted and turned, inspecting their siblings' backs in frantic wonder, searching for hidden wings among their puppy fluff.

I let their excitement bloom and run its course. A good story, like a good dog bone, should be savored and not handed over too quickly.

When at last they settled, I lowered myself onto the blankets and gathered them close.

"My beloved pups," I said, "come near and listen. This is an old story. Older than your mother, older than her mother before her. It is ancient. It belongs to all Dogs, and therefore it belongs to you. It is a story that has lived in your ancestors' blood for ages. And after tonight, it will course through your veins as well.

"And pay particular attention. Someday your mother will no longer be here to explain the world to you. When that day comes, these stories may be all you have."

"Long before there was a world, or even a squirrel scent to be smelled, there was only The Great Black Dog. He wandered through The Emptiness alone since the beginning of Time. 

"In his loneliness, he wept. He wept for another dog, as all dogs are pack creatures. He wept tears of fire and ice into The Emptiness. 

"From the fire of his tears, he gathered glowing embers and crushed them between his mighty jaws until they became The Sun. From the ice of his tears, he fashioned The Moon. The remaining tears he scattered across The Emptiness with a swift brush of his tail, and they became The Stars.

"The Sun warmed his old, primordial bones, but it could not be part of his pack. He looked to The Moon and saw his tears circling it like a vast litter of silent pups.

"Believing for one hopeful moment that he was no longer alone, The Great Black Dog lifted his muzzle and sang a robust welcome to his new companions. The song rolled across The Emptiness for ages upon ages. 

"Yet neither The Moon nor The Stars answered him, and he fell into a great despair. 

"He meditated upon his sorrow for an eternity until he knew what needed to be done. No dog can live alone forever.

"The Great Black Dog collected all the fur he had shed over the aeons and created The World. He placed it between The Sun and The Moon, so The World could breathe in cycles where day followed night. Winter made way for spring. Tides swelled under The Moon and fell with The Sun. Sometimes there were even  cycles where The Moon grew so lonely that she swallowed The Sun, and The World shivered beneath a summer darkness until she let him go.

"The Great Black Dog scratched at The Earth and made four piles. He created a pack of four Great Dogs to fill The World with creatures and watch over his creation: The Great Earth Dog, The Great Ocean Dog, The Great Sky Dog, and The Great Mother Dog.

"MUMMA! ARE YOU THE GREAT MOTHER DOG?" shouted Nibbles The Runt.

The pups dissolved into laughter. They tumbled over one another, nipping ears and stepping on tails. Nibbles looked very pleased with himself.

"I am," I said solemnly.

That shut them all up.

Eight pairs of eyes were fixed upon me. Their ears tall, their heads tilted in perfect unison.

Only when I was certain I had their complete attention did I continue.

"The Great Black Dog told The Four Great Dogs to create their dominions in The World and fill them with matter, plants, creatures and powers of their own design. He said they could be as creative or as competitive as they wished, provided their creations remained in Harmony with The World, and they must never tell a falsehood or hide anything from The Great Black Dog.

"The four Great Dogs bowed their heads in submission and set off to explore The World."

 

THE GREAT OCEAN DOG

"The Ocean Dog gathered together all The Great Black Dog's tears that fell back to The World into a vast, deep, salty realm. He planted swaying forests of kelp and seaweeds, sea grasses, and algae. He created clams and barnacles that spent their entire lives in one place. Then there were his spiny, alien-looking creatures like lobsters and crabs and snails that were quite content to dwell silently on the dark ocean floor. Countless quick, wide-eyed creatures called fish were large enough to swallow a boat, and as tiny as a black fly. 

"The Ocean Dog was volatile and unpredictable. He spent most of his time in the briny deep with his strange, fearsome creatures. But when he was lonely, he would burst forth on the surface with violent storms. The Sky Dog and The Earth Dog would beg him to stop ravishing their dominions and creatures. They said he was disrupting the Harmony of The World. The Ocean Dog only laughed. 'Even worms have to eat...'

"Then he would vanish below the waves in an instant, leaving only a rainbow behind. 

"The Great Ocean Dog governed storms, waves, fog, tides, currents, the horizon... and all things abandoned by the world above. Flotsam and jetsam..."

"MUMMA! WHAT'S FLOTSAM AND JETSAM?!?" shouted Little Huge Feet. "CAN YOU EAT IT? IT SOUNDS TASTY!"

The litter erupted into laughter.

Little Huge Feet's appetite was legendary. I nearly laughed myself.

"No, sweetie. Flotsam and jetsam are lost things The Ocean Dog returns to The Earth Dog."

Little Huge Feet seemed enormously relieved that flotsam and jetsam wasn't edible for some reason.

 

THE GREAT SKY DOG

"The Sky Dog could never remain still. She delighted in feeling the push of wind against her ears and her nose. She created her dominion from the breath of The Great Black Dog. 

"She reigned over clouds and wind. Smoke and Snow. Thunder and Lightning. She was The Runt of The Four Great Dogs, and her creatures were like herself: small and peculiar. 

Her creatures were odd things like Flutterbys, Moths, Birds, Bats, insects, and those strange Spiders that float upon the wind with tiny bits of silk. She even created a beast who flew through the sky in the darkest of nights with enormous eyes and a neck that could turn all the way around. 

"After one of The Ocean Dog's great tempers swept thousands of her little migrating birds into the sea, she created thousands upon thousands of tiny creatures that looked exactly like The Ocean Dog, but with wings. They darkened the skies looking for him. When they finally found him, they swarmed over him, laughing and barking whenever he tried to surface. It went on for a very long time. 

"The Ocean Dog was furious and rose from his deep ocean waters to complain to The Great Black Dog that Harmony in The World was being broken by The Sky Dog. But The Great Black Dog thought The Sky Dog's joke was immensely funny and told The Ocean Dog to stop being such a whelp.   

"But why can't we fly NOW?" demanded Nibbles.

"SHUSH, impatient one!"

The rest of the pups gave him the hairy eyeball.

"But Mumma, did the flying dogs poop and pee when they were FLYING?!?!" shouted Nibbles.

That did it. Like The Runt of my own litter, Nibbles had just brought an entire room of dogs into uncontrollable laughter, including myself. It was several minutes before everydog was composed enough for me to continue. It struck me then that Nibbles was every bit of The Great Sky Dog as he was The Runt of my litter. I loved his free spirit, honesty, freedom, and his joyfulness. I loved him so much at that moment.

When we had composed ourselves, I continued.

"The Sky Dog wanted to know when her beloved Flying Dogs were happy without ever having to ask them. She gave them tails that wagged and mouths that smiled whenever joy found them. She also made them so they could never tell a falsehood. 

"Wherever The Sky Dog wandered, thousands of Flying Dogs followed, laughing through her winds and clouds. They flew in pure joy, and the rest of The World's creatures stopped and watched them jealously. 

"She gave them the most powerful noses and in The World. They flew high into the air and returned to her with every scent carried upon the winds so she would know what all her siblings and their creatures were up to."

My pups looked at each other's backs, trying to decide who among them could fly with The Great Sky Dog. 

 

THE GREAT EARTH DOG

"The Earth Dog gave The World soil and rock and fresh water. He controlled the great mountains, forests, marshes, bogs, rivers, lakes, and streams. He created all the plants and trees, and all the delicious berries and apples. He filled his fresh waters with fish that The Ocean Dog thought looked suspiciously familiar. The Ocean Dog complained to The Great Black Dog, and tired of The Ocean Dogs' complaining, said they looked to be improvements and dissolved.

"The number of his creatures was vast, and they were the most varied of any Great Dog. Wherever a creature could dig, climb, burrow, creep, scamper, hop, slither, slide or hide, he made several creatures that did almost the same thing, simply because he wondered which would do it better. 

"He also created The Bipeds. 

"The Bipeds were perhaps the strangest of any Great Dog's creations. They walked on two legs. They were naked and had to make their fur from other creatures and plants. They were frail and gangly. They had a terrible sense of smell and could barely hear a thing. The other Great Dogs thought the Bipeds were a joke, as The Earth Dog was known for his sense of humor.  

"The Bipeds might indeed have been a joke except The Earth Dog gave Bipeds three things that set them apart from the other creatures. He made them almost as smart as The Flying Dogs. He gave them a hand that could grasp things. And he gave them the ability to hide falsehoods inside true words. 

"Whether The Earth Dog did that on purpose or by mistake can never be known."

 

THE GREAT MOTHER DOG

"The Mother Dog was perhaps the cleverest of all the Great Dogs. She cared little for soil or sky, mountains or seas. Those belonged to the others.

"She went before The Great Black Dog and asked for only two things.

"Perhaps the greatest things.

"The first was Time.

"The Great Black Dog growled that Time was the endless turning of the Heavens—the patient order that drew dawn from darkness, spring from winter, and forests from sleeping seeds. To surrender Time was to surrender The Sun, The Moon, and The Stars themselves.

"The Mother Dog bowed her head.

"'I will weave Time's cycles into the blood of every living creature,' she said. 'A pup will know how to suckle. A spider will know how to spin her web. Birds will know when and where to migrate. Mothers will know when to bring forth their young. Every creature will be born carrying a little of Your World within them. Life will flourish, and You will never be lonely again.'

"'And the second thing you ask?'

"'Life,' she said.

"'Life?'

"When the Great Black Dog said nothing more, she said, 'I will watch over every living creature from its first breath until its last. I will teach mothers to protect their litters... and, when the time comes, how to let them go. Every beast that draws breath. Every fish, bird, beast, insect, worm, flea...'"

"EVEN FLEAS?!!" interrupted Nibbles, his face twisted in horror.

"Especially fleas," I said.

"Mumma! Fleas are ITCHY!"

The whole litter erupted into laughter, and I couldn't help smiling myself.

"Remember, little one, that you are a small, overlooked creature yourself, and just as itchy to me as any flea."

"That brought even louder laughter from my pups. They shouted 'Flea! Flea! Flea!' and he accepted a rain of playful cuffs to his head, laughing like the little imp he was.

The giggling finally settled and I continued...

"'I will collect from the Lives of all the creatures in the world so the dead can leave behind more than dust and bones. They will leave stories of their life's endeavors and failings so the younger generations may learn from the cycles of Time and their past. I would call these His Stories, so every generation of life could honor you with their past.'

"The Great Black Dog regarded her for a long while. Only his breath was heard. Then the corners of his mouth rose ever so slightly.

"'You may have Life,' he said. 'You may have Time.'

"'But Death...'

"His voice rolled through all The Emptiness...

"'...Chaos, Fire, and Destruction are mine alone.'

Come back next month when I tell my pups the story of how The Flying Dogs lost their wings.

-- Zinny

 

PART I          PART II          PART III          PART IV       PART V