CONGRATULATIONS!!!! The Free Shipping and Free Book coupon code for September is the very last word of this blog. At least do Marz the honor of reading his story before claiming it.
CARROTS AND STICKS
Don says he's out of carrots and sticks with me! That load must be eating those carrots and not throwing the sticks!!! I haven't seen any of them!!!!
Have you ever been to that big gravel pit in Durham?! It's the best! It's not as good as Horn Cove Beach, but it's pretty good!!!!
A farmer plants all kinds of crops like corn and potatoes all around the gravel pit, too!!!! I love corn! I love potatoes! I love gravel! He has a lot of fields!!! He should plant pig ears!!! That would be awesome!!! I love pig ears!! Everyone does!!!
And don't try to eat any corn or potatoes before they're ripe!!! If you try to eat any of them before they're ripe, Don will yell at you!!! And if you ignore him, Don will come running after you!!! Sometimes he'll throw a stick at you!!! All I need is a carrot, then Don!!! Bwahahahahaha!!! I just made a funny joke!!!
But if you avoid Don and get to eat a lot of corn and potatoes your tummy gets all rumbly and you'll get soupy poopy on the carpet at night!!! Don HATES soupy poopy on the carpet at night more than anything!!! Even more than dogs getting into the garbage!! Even more than waking him up at night to tell him you have to go soupy poopy outside!!!!!
FETCHING PARADISE
There are lots of other dogs at the farmer's fields, too!!! And they're very fun!! They're not like the nervous dogs you see in Boothbay or in Freeport!!! They're country dogs!!! They like to play fetch and get dirty, and roughhouse like I do!!! And their Bipeds don't get all upset when their dogs are off-leash!!!
One time we met this nice woman with two Black Labs and a small dog!!! I forget the woman's name!! I forget the Black Lab names!!! But Susan was the small dog's name!!! Susan was very fast!!! Faster than the Black Labs!!! Faster than even me!!! I know!! Right?!?!
Susan snatched up the thrown ball at lightning speed!!! Then she dropped the tennis ball running back!! One of us labs had to bring it back to Don to fetch again!!!
Susan wasn't thorough!! Maybe she was a great ball-getter, and not a good ball fetcher!!!! Whatever she was, she was super-fast!!!!
Then Auggie told me Susan reminded him of a dog named Evan he fought way back in the day at this very place for The Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout all the Land!!! He said The Salty Pack (that's us!) defeated two Newfoundlands!!! He said we were walking on hallowed ground!! I don't even know why the Newfies needed to be defeated or why anyone would want to defeat them!!! And what is hallowed ground? Like Halloween ground? Auggie never said!! Auggie even said he was "The Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout All the Land" because he beat Evan in many fetch-battles!!! Hahaha!!!! Auggie can barely walk!!! And he never fetches!!!! He can barely swim with a lifejacket!! He could never beat Susan fetching!!!! No Lab can!!
HOME, HOME OF THE RANGERS
There are all kinds of snowmobile and hiking trails that go through The Farmer's fields, too!!! They go all the way to Bradbury Mountain!!! That's a Maine State Park, but we hardly ever go there!!! The last time we went up there, a person who doesn't like dogs came out of nowhere!!! Zinny didn't even get a chance to bark!!!! That person was a Park Ranger!! They make your dog be on a leash!!! They had bright and shiny things on them!!! They will fine you for a whole bunch of things!!! Don hates fines!!!! He's a poor man!!! Just look at his haircut and all the stains down the front of his shirts!!!!
The Ranger said Don would have to pay a $150 fine for each dog off leash, or a total of $450!!! Don was so angry!! He said us dogs weren't worth that much and he would abandon us!!! That sounded like a lot of fun!!!
Don was still angry!! He said there were no signs telling him this was Bradbury Mountain State Park land!!! He said there were no signs saying dogs weren't allowed, much less a $150 punishment per dog!!! He was framed!!! He would fight it to the end!!! The Ranger told Don to calm down but Don didn't!!! The Ranger just gave Don a warning even though Don was being a big J-Hole!!! That was very nice of the Ranger, but Don kept complaining!!! Don was mad!!! Don doesn't like people very much!!!! Especially people who ruin walkies!! That's why he never gets any treats from the Free Treat Bowl at the shop!!!!!
AUGGIE'S PIT O' NOSTALGIA
Auggie also said this was the place he first swam!!! That's crazy!!! There isn't an ocean for miles!! But when we crossed a snowmobile bridge, Auggie got a little teary in his good eye and whispered to me that this little stream was the first time he swam!!!! Bwahahaha!!! Auggie you are so funny!!! Your tales get taller and taller!!!! There was hardly a foot of water in that stream!!! When I pointed that out to Auggie, he bared his teeth and said the climactic conditions in the 2010's were much rainier than now!!! I guess that makes sense, Aug!!! Please don't bite me!!!!
That's another great part about the Gravel Pit!! If you are on walkies and it's very very hot, there are brooks all around to drink out of!!! Don doesn't even get mad!!! Sometimes I sink my butt in them!!!! The brooks are very cool and the water tastes great!!! And the forest shade all around The Farmer's fields is very refreshing!!
When the weather gets cold there's all kinds of corn and potatoes just lying in The Farmer's fields that the farmer doesn't want anymore!!!! There are about a zillion crows and deer just chomping down in the farmer's fields!!! Don says it's OK for us dogs to eat them!!! The potatoes, not the deers! BWAHAHAHA!!! That's the second funny joke I made in my story!!!!
I wish the farmer planted pig ears and bully sticks and marrow bones and Pup Cups!!! That would be awesome!!! The deers and crows wouldn't eat them!!! I would never get soupy poopy then!!!! It would be like 5 birthdays all rolled up into one!! And chasing the crows and deers is super-fun!!!
BUSHWHACKING
Sometimes when we go to the gravel pit, The Farmer is there!! He's a very nice man!!! Sometimes the farmer stops pumping pesticide and gives me the best head rubs!!! Sometimes I get dizzy after meeting The Farmer!!!!After we say goodbye to The Farmer, we all run over to the Gravel Pit!!! Don launches a tennis ball from the very tippiest - toppiest of it and I run really fast off the edge and jump into the sand about a jillion miles below!!! The sand is very soft!!! Like snow!!! It's like I'm flying!!! I don't even have wings!!!!
After a couple fetches off the top of The Pit, I am bushwhacked!!! That means really tired!! I looked it up!!!
Don has to keep Auggie and Zinny out of The Pit!!! They're so old they can't get back up!! They get stuck in there!! One time Zinny got stuck in the sand and couldn't get back up, so we all had to go down and wade through a bunch of smelly, green, scum water at the bottom of the pit!! It was awesome!!! Liana said we were all stinky for days and days!!!
A MOST PLEASANT PIT
Don yelled at us in the worst way Don can yell when we tried to drink the scum water at the bottom of the pit!!! I was very thirsty from fetching!! Don raved on and on about brain-eating bacteria and giardia!!!! Like that's even a thing!!!! Nobody knows when you are serious and when you are being a joker, Don!!! And you were yelling at Auggie!!!! Auggie is totally deaf!! BWAHAHAHA!!! Relax, Don!!! The water tasted awful!!!! I didn't drink any!!!
There are also a lot of horseflies and mosquitoes at the bottom of The Gravel Pit!!! And it's pretty stinky!!! It's pretty unpleasant!!!! But it's not as unpleasant as Horn Cove filled with seaweed and other junk!!! Both Don and Liana yell at me to get out of the filthy seaweed!!! Sometimes I can't even see the tennis ball there's so much gunk!!! And one time I got stabbed by a nail in a board!!! That was very painful!! It was on my bum! It got infected and I had to have awful-tasting medicine for a long time!!!
I prefer swimming in Horn Cove over any walkies, but sometimes when the seaweed is packed in and I can't even see the tennis ball, it's better to go to The Gravel Pit of Dreams!!!!
Thanks for reading!!!
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