
IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE END OF TIMES – by Auggie
A TOOTHY PREAMBLEWELCOME TO THE CHEZ SALTY MEAT GRINDER, YOUNG AUGUSTUSYes, Bipeds. You read it right, or heard it right. ‘Tis my last missive from this staggeringly moribund town. Should I ever need a metaphor for tedium and melancholy, this town shall suffice.Honor this senior, this cancer-surviving dog, and read my last missive. It...

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE GRUMPY – by Auggie
Like an old deer pursued by a pack of ravenous jackals in deep snow, I, Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury the hunter, officially announce my demotion to the hunted. I share this with you in the hopes one of you hairless, nap-prone apes or fluffer-headed dogs in my pack can protect me from a fate...

TIME IS CRUEL AND SO AM I – By Auggie
Editor’s Note: Despite his age, Auggie has a very fertile imagination.Whereas my previous blogs have been lighthearted, brief, and informative, this blog will unfortunately be dark and reproachful. Prepare yourself however you see fit, Bipeds. I shan’t judge you. Nor do I care in what way you judge me.The brutal passage of time spares...

DOG ADVICE FOR BIPEDS - by Auggie
Greetings, miscreants. Welcome to a little spot of sanity in this crazy, crazy world. Consider this a refuge from the harsh realities of the outside world. This is your oasis. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You didn't really believe that, did you? You Bipeds are so stupid and cow-like! In reality, all you thousands of Biped muppets try...

AUGUSTUS - LAST OF THE GREATS - by Auggie
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury. I am a 12-yr old Black Labrador Retriever from outstanding blood and hip lines. Chances are that my combined SAT score (1600+) is better than yours and your dough-faced, over-privileged children combined. I am a dog. I have seen many spectacular things in my twelve years of life.

AUGUST ADVICE - by Auggie
Dear Augustus; I am a Golden Retriever and my Bipeds dress me up in just ridiculous thick coats in the winter. Then they shave me in the summer. I look like a fool and I get sunburned! I scratch and scratch and scratch after I'm shaved, but the Bipeds take no notice.

MAN BITES DOG AND OTHER CODSWALLOP - by Auggie
Regard me and be warned, Bipeds. I resolve not to be the recipient of your guff, bullroar, hogwash, claptrap, bunk, or other such codswallop. Bipeds pay taxes and get to vote. Bipeds thus control the game and get redress for their many grievances in multiple avenues. I require food to live, and so my...

DOG TREATMENT IN THIS GIMCRACK TOWN - by Auggie
Editor's Note: The opinions, descriptions, ratings, characterizations, insults, malapropisms, and vituperations are the sole province of Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury- a dog. Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters cannot take responsibility for this atrocity. BOOTHBAY HARBOR IN ITS HEYDAY. I've been held captive in this pathetic appendix of a town for longer than I care...

PSHAW!!! - by Auggie
We live in evil times. You slothful whelps out there hardly know meaning, suffering nor sacrifice from your own butt. You think everything is but little trinkets for your amusement and wonderment. Have you forgotten all the rabid raccoons, skunks, and porcupines we older generation hath fought for your basic freedoms? And what thanks...