The Harbor Dog Stories
Come on an adventure with the shop dogs of Two Salty Dogs as they spin you a yarn about life as a dog on the Boothbay Harbor waterfront.
A CONSUMER BILL OF RIGHTS - by Don
We, the Unreasonable People... ... the fickle and rabid Consumers of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Consumer Union, establish Justice, insure Consumer Tranquility, provide for the Common Defense, promote the General Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Consumer Liberty, do ordain and establish this Consumer Constitution and Bill of...
THE ZEN OF ZINNY - by Don
So they did what any reptile lacking empathy did. They abandoned her in an alien, dangerous, and terrifying place and forgot all about her. I hate those cowards. The fact that they probably picked up a breeding dog on the way home after abandoning Zinny to keep the pup-money coming in made me furious....
A TWO SALTY DOGS SPECIAL REPORT: THE GREATEST THREAT TO AMERICA - by Don
Some will tell you the biggest threat to America is corporate greed. Others tell you assuredly that it is the decay of moral values. Then there's our shape-shifting reptilian overlords, manipulative cabals of financial and political power on the murky sidelines, pulling all the puppet strings. And don't forget the aliens: relentlessly cavity-probing us...
A WEE NY TEST - by Don (Repost)
After reading this delightful Manhattan Socialite’s hilarious send up of Maine, I got to thinking mayhap a Mainer should respond in kind to the waves and waves of sophisticated and culturally aware New Yorkers inundating our fair shores every summer. That’s when I got to work creating “The Test.” It is a free, simple,...
THE SCIENCE OF ARTHROPODS, METEOROLOGISTS, ALCOHOL, EGGS, ASTHMA, NO ASTHMA, GUTs, AND HOW GREAT YOU ARE – by DON
A longer, less humorous title would be, “The Curious Case of Don Having an Advanced Engineering Degree, But Not Trusting Science.” Or maybe, “Why Science Chaps My Ass- by Don.” There. That’s it. Next year I’m going to put together a drunken spelling bee for April Fools. See if I don’t.Arthropods Since we moved...
BLUEBERRY FIELDS FOREVER – by Don
ATTENTION: I’ve obfuscated just about every place and person’s name in this story to protect those pristine places from nutjobs like you and your lawsuits. So don’t try to find the places I mention, and for the love of Balthazar, please don’t email me if you think you know where one of these dog-friendly...
MY BEEF WITH TEENS – by Don
I’m going to hammer on a bunch of defenseless, emoji-loving teens this month. Don’t feel sorry for them. They deserve it. And I deserved it when I was a teenager. Here. I’ll just complete the circle of abuse by putting my personal, embarrassing teenage work story first on deck. That way those of you...
WHAT I DID FOR THE 2024 TOTAL ECLIPSE - by Little Donny Kingsbury - Age 12
"What's the big deal? When it's all over, all that's going to happen is that Auggie's going to want breakfast again." - Liana Kingsbury, April 8th 2024, going 110mph on I-95 north of Passadumkeag, Maine
MUSTS & CAN'TS - by Don
But "the experts" also said at one time that attaching leeches to someone's private parts would cure them of being phlegmatic. Or was it mercurial? No matter. Just thinking that leeches could cure anyone of anything should tell you that "the experts" are full of black bile and little demons scratching to get out...