
A TWO SALTY DOGS SPECIAL REPORT: THE GREATEST THREAT TO AMERICA - by Don
Some will tell you the biggest threat to America is corporate greed. Others tell you assuredly that it is the decay of moral values. Then there's our shape-shifting reptilian overlords, manipulative cabals of financial and political power on the murky sidelines, pulling all the puppet strings. And don't forget the aliens: relentlessly cavity-probing us...

A SARCASTIC PRIMER IN SARCASM - by Don
Email your very own responses to all 20 scenarios herein for a chance to win a $50 Gift Certificate to Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters. Responses will be gauged mostly on whether or not you are subscribed to our monthly newsletter, sarcasm, creativity, understanding of the English language, sarcasm, and obsequiousness. And sarcasm.

A WEE NY TEST - by Don (Repost)
After reading this delightful Manhattan Socialite’s hilarious send up of Maine, I got to thinking mayhap a Mainer should respond in kind to the waves and waves of sophisticated and culturally aware New Yorkers inundating our fair shores every summer. That’s when I got to work creating “The Test.” It is a free, simple,...

THE SCIENCE OF ARTHROPODS, METEOROLOGISTS, ALCOHOL, EGGS, ASTHMA, NO ASTHMA, GUTs, AND HOW GREAT YOU ARE – by DON
A longer, less humorous title would be, “The Curious Case of Don Having an Advanced Engineering Degree, But Not Trusting Science.” Or maybe, “Why Science Chaps My Ass- by Don.” There. That’s it. Next year I’m going to put together a drunken spelling bee for April Fools. See if I don’t.Arthropods Since we moved...

BLUEBERRY FIELDS FOREVER – by Don
ATTENTION: I’ve obfuscated just about every place and person’s name in this story to protect those pristine places from nutjobs like you and your lawsuits. So don’t try to find the places I mention, and for the love of Balthazar, please don’t email me if you think you know where one of these dog-friendly...

MY BEEF WITH TEENS – by Don
I’m going to hammer on a bunch of defenseless, emoji-loving teens this month. Don’t feel sorry for them. They deserve it. And I deserved it when I was a teenager. Here. I’ll just complete the circle of abuse by putting my personal, embarrassing teenage work story first on deck. That way those of you...

DID YOU KNOW? DO YOU EVEN CARE? – by Don
I’M RUNNING TO BRING YOU THE TRUTH.Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters now brings you a Public Service Announcement we are not qualified to announce in public to “The Public.”Are you discouraged by the amount of disinformation and number of phaked photos that are destroying the Greatest Nation That Ever Graced The Planet Earth (TGNTEGTPE)?...

WHAT I DID FOR THE 2024 TOTAL ECLIPSE - by Little Donny Kingsbury - Age 12
"What's the big deal? When it's all over, all that's going to happen is that Auggie's going to want breakfast again." - Liana Kingsbury, April 8th 2024, going 110mph on I-95 north of Passadumkeag, Maine

CONTEMPORARY BOOTHBAY REGION FOLKLORE FOR DUMMIES - by Don
New England has a rich history of oral traditions dating back to the Cretaceous Extinction. Most of the traditions are bogus and told by old people who have led extremely dull lives and are now suffering from fungal toenail infections. At least that's what I'm led to believe by late night TV commercials and...