The Harbor Dog Stories
Come on an adventure with the shop dogs of Two Salty Dogs as they spin you a yarn about life as a dog on the Boothbay Harbor waterfront.
DOG ADVICE FOR BIPEDS - by Auggie
Greetings, miscreants. Welcome to a little spot of sanity in this crazy, crazy world. Consider this a refuge from the harsh realities of the outside world. This is your oasis. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You didn't really believe that, did you? You Bipeds are so stupid and cow-like! In reality, all you thousands of Biped muppets try...
MY BEST FRIEND!!! - by MARZ
HI! I'm Marz! I work at Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters!!!! I'm in customer service!! Customer service is a great job!! It's the best!!! I get so many headrubs and bellyrubs!!!! Auggie taught me to hang out at the free treat bowl!!!
CONTEMPORARY BOOTHBAY REGION FOLKLORE FOR DUMMIES - by Don
New England has a rich history of oral traditions dating back to the Cretaceous Extinction. Most of the traditions are bogus and told by old people who have led extremely dull lives and are now suffering from fungal toenail infections. At least that's what I'm led to believe by late night TV commercials and...
AUGUSTUS - LAST OF THE GREATS - by Auggie
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury. I am a 12-yr old Black Labrador Retriever from outstanding blood and hip lines. Chances are that my combined SAT score (1600+) is better than yours and your dough-faced, over-privileged children combined. I am a dog. I have seen many spectacular things in my twelve years of life.
THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!! - By Marz
There's nothing better than eating a smoked pig ear in the warm October sun!!! Maybe eating two smoked pig ears in the warm October sun!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was a funny joke!!!!!!
MUSTS & CAN'TS - by Don
But "the experts" also said at one time that attaching leeches to someone's private parts would cure them of being phlegmatic. Or was it mercurial? No matter. Just thinking that leeches could cure anyone of anything should tell you that "the experts" are full of black bile and little demons scratching to get out...
BIRD TOWN - by Don
...unfortunately, my battle isn't with interesting birds like Non-Philly Eagles, Bushtits, Masked Boobies, Dickscissels, Horned Screamers, or Titmouses. Not even a Common Shag. No. I'm battling uninteresting, small, gray birds. They're not even song birds. They just kind of cheep-cheep and shit on everything....
THE BIGGEST JOLLY BALL EVER!! - by Marz
CLICK HERE TO SEE ME FETCH A TENNIS BALL!!! HI!!!! My name is Marz!!! Or maybe it's Fudgie!!! Don calls me Dum-Dum!!! I don't know!!!! Maybe I have a whole bunch of names!!!! Maybe even three names if you count Knockitoff!!!! Maybe I even have names I don't know yet!! Having lots of names...
RETAILERS ANONYMOUS - by Don
"Hi. My name is Don and I've been in retail for 12 years." "Hi Don!" ONE OF THE "GOOD ONES." "I've owned a pet supply store and been exposed to the general public after having a cush, well-compensated engineering job rehabilitating earth dams on the west coast. At that time, I had a wife...